SEASONS AND PARENTAL PRESSURE

Seasons connote a geographical phenomenon for all of us. Different countries attach importance to particular seasons as per their location and culture. But if you are an Indian, you must, certainly, be aware of the two seasons which are the most tumultuous, conflicting and have far reaching impact on your life. These seasons are: ‘The Admission Season’ and ‘The Wedding Season’.

The other day I visited my friend’s house and was shocked to see the whole family engrossed deeply, rather fiercely, in a heated discussion about the choice of subjects which their son was to take in class xi. The scene looked more like a battle field—with the engineer father vehemently supporting the engineering stream and the mother and son duo suggesting ‘commerce’. The boy was pleading and giving reasons and arguments for fulfilling his desire of becoming a chartered accountant. Father was threatening them with dire consequences. It took me quite some time to listen to their arguments and convince the father from an educationist’s and teacher’s point of view about the right course to be taken in the best interest of the child.

Why do Indian parents, especially fathers, have such inflated ego that they turn everything into a personal issue and become too pushy? Why should they put people and society at a higher pedestal than the interest of their own child?

 Recent suicides by students taking coaching for IIT JEE, are a direct consequence of this growing parental pressure which every student bemoans. During my teaching career, I have counselled many such parents who forced their children to perform well for admission in high-stake universities and international competitions whereas their children were unable to clear even basic science and maths papers in +2 Boards. No doubt, parents’ interest has a positive association with children’s achievement but unrealistic expectations create pressure and foster performance anxiety in their children. It also makes them prone to stress, cheating and low self-esteem.

Such decisions must be taken keeping in mind the student’s capability, health and aptitude. Psychologists and counsellors offer a variety of aptitude tests these days which make things easier for parents and students both. The mindset that an engineer’s son/daughter must become an engineer and a doctor’s children should also follow their father’s profession, has to change. The job-market is flooded with a variety of new jobs and professions in tune with the changing needs of society.

When the ‘Admission Season’ is over, the young men and women complete their studies, become self-dependent and are ready to tie the knot .Then commences the ‘Wedding Season’ and the demon of parental pressure raises its head again. Although the scenario has quite improved in this field, still every other day we hear about suicides by young lovers under the pressure of their parents, ‘Khap- Panchayats’ and society in general. It is high time we rise above caste and religion and realise the value of every individual’s life.

Undoubtedly, all the parents have right to guide and counsel their children but it should not become a prestige issue for them. If a child takes a stand, he/she is branded as a rebel and sometimes disowned and even denied access to his home and family. What a great blow and wound on the psyche of an individual!

On one hand, India has technically advanced by leaps and bounds and on the other, half of our population still has the portals of their minds closed with no room for justice, fair sense and value for human life.

You must be wondering at this deep connect between ‘seasons’ and the lives of millions of young men and women of India. I would conclude with the words of Tagore where he prays to God and seeks for his countrymen:

“Freedom from the burden of the ages, bending your head,

  breaking  your back, blinding your eyes to the beckoning call of the future”

The Musical Journey of Life

A  television news about the stones which produce music has prompted me to share my views about music with all my friends. In fact, this whole universe is permeated with music. The gurgling streams, gushing rivers, roaring oceans; the rustling leaves, blowing wind; the raindrops falling on the leaves and  roof-tops, all produce a symphony. We only require an ear for music.

Being fortunate in inheriting love for music from my parents (especially mother),I grew up listening to songs of K.L.Sehgal on Radio Celyon (presently Sri Lanka) on one hand and the sweet songs of Lata Mangeshker,Asha Bhosle, Mohammad Rafi, Mukesh, Manna Dey, Hemant Kumar  and Talat Mehmood on the other hand, in the melodious voice of my mother. Be it kitchen, bed room or the puja room---the whole house reverberated with her old Hindi and Punjabi songs, bhajans (devotional songs) and ghazals. In fact, my love for Mehedi Hasan and Begum Akhtar is a gift of my mother to me. Ah! What a memorable period of life it was!

The festival of Lohri used to be a special fare for me and my siblings not only due to fireworks and the eatables like Rewri, Chirve associated with the festival but for the song and dance fiesta it used to bring with it. The picture of my mother and all of us singing freely in the open air using a steel plate or a small tin as a dholak and the younger ones clapping and dancing all around, fill the air with nostalgia.

Listening to radio, my parents would often talk about movies like Devdas, Ratan etc., their college days  and we  would watch their faces ,their eyes gleaming with joy and thrill. Now when I listen to the songs ( old for the present generation but evergreen for us),I am able to appreciate their feelings. Music transports you to that era. You rejoice with your friends; visit school and college grounds; relive the youthful days of hostel; remember your crushes, fashions, actors, movies and the whole society of those blissful days. Luckily ,this love for music found a natural ally in my partner and we, along with our children, used to have rounds of Antakshri as our favourite game.

Music also has that uplifting and soothing quality which dives deep into your inner caverns and puts a balm on your wounds ,cheers you up instantly and within no time you find yourself ready to take on your responsibilities head on. Since times immemorial, saints and sages like Mirabai, Thyagraaja have found music as a tool to God-realization. It is a door to divinity; hence the tradition of satsang and divine musical congregations.Wordsworth defined poetry as  “emotions recollected in tranquillity” and music is nothing but soulful lyrics set to melodious tunes. Even now, with silver in my hair, my idea of a happy life is the same i.e. surrounded by flowers, listening to music in the open air.